FIRST THOUGHT: Unhappy in Love
We all know a woman who keeps going back to her ex. “He’s changed!” “We can totally be friends with benefits now!” “He said he’s ready for commitment now!” Girl, please. A professor who studies cyclical relationships says typically, you’ll end up with lower self-esteem if you go back to your ex. Your communication with your ex will be tantamount to chatting with the cactus on your desk. So, how do we stop sliding into our ex’s DMs? Seriously, I need to know. Is there a 12-step program for women who can’t resist their past lovers? One of the things I know surely helps is hanging out with your bestie and trying something (or, ahem) someone new.
WOMEN IN NUMBERS: More than 6 in 10
While technology makes getting with someone a lot easier than, say, carrier pigeons or home telephones, it also increases the pressure. You can shop around for a new partner 24/7 now, but those 2 a.m. swipes on a dating app might not be the way to go if you’re looking for something steady, and you also don’t want to settle for just anyone that’ll get you that ring. One study showed more than six in 10 adults in a relationship are unhappy. The adults surveyed consisted of 3,000 couples that attributed their dissatisfaction to a dwindling sex life, decreasing affection and nonexistent romance. I think we’d all rather be solo than stuck with that hot mess, right?
WOMAN TO WATCH: Tracy Crossley, Owner at Intuitive Reinvention
So, you’ve tried dating apps, websites, relatives who think they’re matchmakers and just wearing a “single and ready to mingle” shirt at a pub-crawl with little to no luck. I’m not here to say the problem is you because, let’s face it, we all have our issues. Maybe there’s a better way to figure out why your romantic life is lacking, like consulting an intuitive coach. Today’s Woman to Watch, Tracy Crossley, is just that.
Tracy started her company, Intuitive Reinvention, as a way to help others tap into that little voice inside them that’s so often ignored. You know, that voice that says, “Stay away from the guy with the fedora!” As a behavioral relationship expert, Tracy offers intuitive readings and one-on-one coaching and is super-skilled about figuring out your patterns.
You may wonder how someone gets into this line of work. Tracy studied psychology in college and went on to pursue a career in recruiting. When she got laid off from her gig—bummer—it gave her the chance to reinvent her life. So, Tracy started advising people on their relationships and life’s purpose without charging them a dime as part of training for doing it professionally. After seeing how much she enjoyed coaching and how much her clients gained from it, Tracy knew this was it. This was her career.
Tracy’s innate relationship expertise doesn’t just come from experience working with clients or sharing thoughts on her podcast, but it also comes from her own past instances with insecure attachments. For her, that meant feeling like a partner would complete her or provide an unhealthy amount of security. Basically, Tracy felt her romantic experiences made her feel super clingy, and she wanted to devote her life to making sure no one else made the same mistakes she once did.
Whether it’s in work or romance, Tracy says most people will spiral and be consumed with negative emotions at some point in time. The plan of attack she suggests to cope with negative emotions is to acknowledge, accept and create. Instead of pushing the feelings down, she says, it’s best to attack them with her three-step method. The key to achieving this trinity is not blaming others for your emotions, so if you’re under the illusion you’d be happier if your partner would just stop biting her nails or dish out some more PDA, you’re wrong. You, and only you, are in charge of how you feel, my friends.
Follow Tracy on Twitter at @TracyCrossley.
Studies show having a strong personal life only helps your career. Read our five tips on how to improve your relationship by clicking here or, if you’re listening via podcast, head over to OnTheDotWoman.com!
QUITE THE QUOTE
Let’s finish for the day with a quote from Tracy Crossley:
“Life is far from perfect and I am far from perfect, but I live from a deeply entrenched trust in myself rather than holding onto set outcomes or fantasies.”